Contact & Counselling Form

❓I don’t have feelings for any man again because I have been hurt severely even when I try my best to forgive. The circle keep repeating itself?

📖This is a statement not a question. However, please there are good men in the body of Christ; also there would be many reasons why this person may always be attracting the wrong kind of men; one of it could be because she has not made herself right as well and she needs to do more with working to her herself right and part of this will be identifying the right man with the help of the holy spirit not choosing by sight or by feelings only.

Please this person should contact the pastorate so they can be supported to access mentoring through the church’s mentoring system that is starting off fully by July 2025. Lots of work are currently ongoing in preparing the mentors and matching them to those who have indicated interest to be mentored in different aspects of life so please take advantage of this divine provision in your church and end this circle of hurt for yourself – this mentoring system is for the blessing of all members of CLC so please everyone should take advantage of this and be blessed to be a blessing continually.

❓I used to be happy when I came to church, but now I feel sad inside. I've tried hard to regain that happiness and have prayed as well. What should I do?

📖This question raises more questions – what has happened to this individual that took away their happiness; they said when I came to church I used to be happy? Has there been a gap that they did not come to church and they lost their happiness and now they are back in church but they are struggling to flow back into the joy of God’s presence because of what they have gotten themselves into when they stayed away from God’s presence. For no one appears before God regularly in church and actively engage with all aspects of the service and go back not blessed, lifted and full of joy in CLC – for in the presence of God there is fullness of joy and at his right hand there are pleasure for evermore.

❓How can I rekindle my love for my husband. He has hurt me over time with his words and his actions, now I feel nothing. I am here for the sake of our children.

📖This woman would need to speak to counsellor /pastor please to help her to identify if she is a talking about domestic abuse – by saying hurt me over time with his words and his actions. If she has been hurt over time with his words and actions – this means she has been emotionally and perhaps physically assaulted by her husband, and she is still being treated this way as she says she is still here for the sake of their children. So clearly this is a serious domestic violence situation:
• Please dear woman know that your children are also victims of your husband words and actions – even if those words and actions are not towards them directly but seeing and hearing the negative words and actions of their father towards you means that they are also suffering abuse and this is impacting negatively on their lives currently and could have greater negative impact on their own emotional and behavioural development as well.

• So dear woman you are really not doing any good to your children if you remain in this situation and do nothing to protect them and yourself by removing yourself and your children from such a toxic situation so that the man can then get help for himself to make positive changes to his behaviour. • Dear woman you cannot rekindle your love for the man who has subjected you to abuse for a long time and he is still abusing you emotionally and perhaps physically – because you are already broken, bruised and wounded over the years that you actually really need help to recognise what you are going through is abuse; you will need to repaired emotionally and psychologically, you will need to heal, regain yourself, be restored so you can develop the capacity to love the right way but the abuse needs to end first before all these can start.

• Please dear woman speak to the pastorate so you can be helped and supported to start the process to end this domestic suffering for your children and yourself and allow the man to seek for, actively engage and be fully committed to the help that he seriously needs for modify his behaviour. Please don’t be quiet and die due to the abuse or loose your mind and end up committing suicide or end up in the mental health hospital.

• There is lots of help and support the church can offer you and also connect you to access to protect your children and yourself from this situation. We pray that you will act on this advice before it is too late as for some women it can become too late when they loose their lives in the relationship.

Children who witness domestic abuse are at risk of both short and long-term physical and mental health problems. Every child will be affected differently to the trauma of domestic abuse.

Short-term effects of domestic abuse:

For young children this can include:

• Bed-wetting. • Increased sensitivity and crying. • Difficulty sleeping or falling asleep. • Separation anxiety.

For school aged children this can include:

• A loss of drive to participate in activities and school. • Lower grades in school. • Feeling guilty and to blame for the abuse happening to them. • Getting into trouble more often. • Physical signs such as headaches and stomach aches.

For teenagers this can include:

• Acting out in negative ways such as missing school or fighting with family members. • Having low self-esteem. • Finding it difficult to make friends. • Engaging in risky behaviours such as using alcohol and other drugs.

Long-term effects of domestic abuse:

• Mental health problems, such as becoming anxious or depressed. Low mental health can also lead to big impacts on physical health, including self-harm or developing an eating disorder. • Having a lowered sense of self-worth. • Using alcohol and other drugs as unhealthy coping mechanisms. • Repeating behaviours seen in their domestic setting. Since the domestic abuse act 2021, children that have been exposed to domestic abuse are now recognised as victims of domestic abuse in their own right, rather than just witnesses.

❓Would you say this person loved you if they had intimate relations with someone else in the space of a month after we both broke up?

📖The truth it is likely that the person doesn’t love you and doesn’t love the new person. It also seems that this is not a Christian relationship so we would advise that you both give your heart fully to Jesus so you can experience God’s love and also learn to love the lord and others. This is critical for you in finding the right person eventually.

❓Is it safe to fall in love with someone that you met just within 5 days.

📖Please there is a difference between love and infatuation or crushing on somebody; so it is not possible to fall in love with someone you barely know; you are just possibly attracted to the person and falling in love can come later on.

❓I'm in a relationship with a Christian brother who says there's nothing wrong with us kissing, petting etc as long as we don't have sex. What should I do.

📖If it is a Christian relationship then it must be done in a Christian kingdom way. This means you should both agree to do the relationship in God’s way following the biblical principles of no sexual intimacy until you are married. Kissing, petting etc are pathways to having sex and they are not to be done except within the marriage context.

So please make this clear to the brother that you are not to engage in such activities; that is not what courtship or relationship before marriage is meant for. If they persist then please go to speak to your pastor who will be able to provide you guidance on what next to do.

❓I'm in a relationship with a Christian brother who says there's nothing wrong with us kissing, petting etc as long as we don't have sex. What should I do.

❓How can couples manage shared finances wisely while maintaining trust and preventing misuse, given that one partner may overspend or hide financial decisions.

📖1. Both partners must agree that transparency is not control — it’s care.
• Talk openly about financial habits, goals, debts, fears, and
• Keep a shared budget and review it together regularly (e.g., monthly).

💬 2. Communicate about money regularly.
• Create a monthly “money meeting” where both spouses:
• Review expenses and savings • Discuss upcoming costs or concerns • Pray together over your finances This isn’t just bookkeeping — it reinforces unity, like in amos 3:3: “can two walk together unless they are agreed?”

🧩 3. Assign roles, but maintain mutual access
• It’s okay if one partner is more detail-oriented and manages the day-to-day.
• However, both must have full access to all accounts and decisions.
• Avoid the mindset of “you handle it so i don’t need to know.” That can lead to imbalance and temptation.

🛡 4. Build in gentle accountability • Set a mutual spending threshold — e.g., “we’ll talk before either spends over £100.”
• Use shared tools like budgeting apps (e.g., ynab, everydollar, or even a google sheet).
• Reassure each other: “this isn’t control; it’s protection — for both of us.”

🛠 5. Address financial red flags with grace and truth
If one partner begins overspending, hiding purchases, or mismanaging money:
• Approach with humility and grace: “help me understand what’s going on — i’m feeling uneasy, and i want us to stay united.”
• Avoid blame, but be firm about the impact.
• Seek counseling (pastoral or financial) early if patterns emerge.
Remember: “speak the truth in love” (ephesians 4:15) and “carry each other’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2), but also “the prudent see danger and take refuge” (Proverbs 27:12).

💒 6. Pray together about your finances
• Invite god into your financial life — not just when you’re in trouble.
• Praying together builds trust, humility, and a sense of shared stewardship.
• Use financial challenges as a spiritual bonding opportunity, not just a practical one.

❓My husband once said to me “even though we are married, a little privacy should be respected”. Is this right?

📖No please there’s no room for little privacy in marriage – kingdom marriage is not for anyone who needs privacy – it is for people who wants to do marriage god’s way – they were both naked and they were not ashamed – it requires openness, honesty and transparency. God’s plan is for every couple to become one so everything that promote growing in oneness is right while everything that demote oneness is wrong – a little privacy in marriage is wrong.

❓What should I do about my spouse's close relationship with a friend of the opposite sex, which is affecting our relationship? They claim the person understands them better.

📖Please speak to your spouse about this highlighting how it is affecting your relationship and hopefully they will see reason with you and end the closeness with the friend but if they don’t please seek help from the pastorate to help them to understand why continuing with the closeness with someone else is not healthy for both of you and also the 3rd party whether they are married or unmarried.

❓Someone once told me that the reason I get angry at others is because I am proud. Is this true?

📖This can be true as pride or ego plays a significant role in our emotions that can then result into anger but it’s not all anger that is due to pride. Both anger and pride are deeply significant emotions—and the bible treats them quite differently.
Anger – in the bible
✅ righteous anger (godly)
• Not all anger is sinful. Jesus expressed anger at injustice (e.g. Driving out money changers in the temple – John 2:13–17).
• Ephesians 4:26 – “in your anger do not sin.” Anger itself isn't sin, but how you handle it matters.

❌ sinful anger
• Anger becomes sin when it's rooted in pride, revenge, or hatred.
• James 1:20 – “The anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
• Uncontrolled anger leads to destruction—relationally, spiritually, emotionally.

pride – in the bible
• Pride is almost always seen as a sinful elevation of self over others and over God.
• Proverbs 16:18 – “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.”
• James 4:6 – “God opposes the proud but shows favour to the humble.”
• The bible celebrates humility, gratitude, and boasting in the lord (2 Corinthians 10:17).

🔗 The link between anger & pride
Yes, there is a strong link between the two in Christian teaching:
1. Pride often fuels sinful anger
• When someone offends you, the prideful heart says, “How dare they treat me like this?”
• Anger rooted in pride is self-focused, not justice focused.
• Cain’s anger (Genesis 4) stemmed from wounded pride—he was jealous that God accepted Abel’s offering, not his.

2. Pride prevents reconciliation
• A proud person may stay angry rather than humble themselves, forgive, or apologize.
• Proverbs 13:10 – “Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.”

3. Humility is the cure
• Christ calls us to meekness, not weakness (Matthew 5:5).
• A humble heart may feel anger but submits that emotion to God and seeks peace.

Christlike model
• Jesus got angry—but only at sin, hypocrisy, and injustice, not to defend his ego.
• He was humble, even when wrongly accused or beaten. “He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth…” (Isaiah 53:7)

❓As a Christian is it okay to go for fertility tests and mental assessments before marriage?

📖If one of you have issues with fertility this should be disclosed to the other person if you are serious about getting married to yourselves; there should not be secrets in marriage if you are doing it god’s way which is the kingdom marriage and as such there shouldn’t be any need for fertility test as you are not to base your conviction to marry someone on whether fertility test says they can have children or not but rather you are to go into marriage in faith trusting god that he will bless your marriage with children. There are people that fertility tests shows they are fertile and yet they may have wait for many years before they can have children so what do you then do. God is the only one who gives children and he will bless you with children when you walk in faith in him IJN.

For mental health assessment before marriage – i wonder why you need this; if anyone has mental health needs that needs to be addressed before they get married and should also continue to be managed appropriately even in marriage.

❓An acquaintance had to go to the usa and was told to get involved in contract marriage, to get papers. Is this wrong as a christian, it’s just for the papers.

📖A christian is someone who has been bought with a great price – the blood of the lord Jesus Christ so a christian is a person of great value with a great purpose to fulfil in life so he/she is intentional about life and cannot afford to mortgage their destiny to have usa or uk or any nations papers – if the christian knows their worth it wouldn’t even cross their mind – christians are citizens of heaven who live here on earth for the now in our father’s kingdom to fulfil his purpose and please him. Answer is it is wrong for a christian to do contract marriage for papers – marriage is not intended for papers. Please if you are indeed a christian, it means you lack the understanding of what you are worth when you are considering such an option not to even talk of doing it. You worth far more than you know.

❓Can a lady marry a man and then later hope to grow in love.

📖God is a perfect match maker; he matches us rightly so i think this lady needs to go to god in prayer for her right match if she is a christian – a believer in Christ Jesus – God will surely answer you. Your hope to grow to love the man should happen before you go into marriage not hoping for it to happen in marriage what if it doesn’t happen what would you then do?

❓How long is advisable to take to study a man before agreeing to his proposal to marry him? He seems okay but i still feel there are things I don’t know about him?

📖This will vary depending on how long you have known the man for before he asked you to marry him and how much time you have and spending interacting with yourself. Advice will be that you.
There’s no one-size-fits-all timeline, but biblically and practically: 🕊️ You should take as long as necessary to gain clarity, peace, and godly confirmation—no pressure.
Even if he "seems okay", if you still feel unsure, listen to that hesitation. It may be the holy spirit nudging you to pause and seek deeper understanding.

🙏 biblical wisdom on discernment and timing
• Proverbs 19:2 – “desire without knowledge is not good—how much more will hasty feet miss the way!”
• Proverbs 14:15 – “the simple believe anything, but the prudent give thought to their steps.”
• 1 thessalonians 5:21 – “test everything; hold fast what is good.”
God is not in a hurry. Love that is from god waits patiently (1 corinthians 13:4), and a man who truly honours christ will wait for you to feel fully at peace and led by the lord.

🧠 key areas to “study” before saying Yes
1. His faith walk
• Is he truly surrendered to christ, or just spiritual in words?
• Is there evidence of repentance, humility, growth?

2. His character
• How does he handle anger, pressure, disappointment?
• Is he accountable to anyone spiritually (pastor, mentor)?

3. Your spiritual unity
• Can you pray together with ease and vulnerability?
• Are your callings compatible?

4. Emotional maturity
• Does he listen well, apologize, lead with love?

5. Family, money, purpose
• How does he relate to his family?
• How does he manage finances, responsibility, calling?
6. How does god speak to you about him?

• Is there peace or confusion when you pray?
• Have you taken time to fast, seek counsel, wait quietly?

❓Can I convert a lady to Christ so i can marry her later?

📖You can preach the good news to all men and women with a good conscience and love of God in your heart so they can be saved not for this to be done with the intention of marrying the person. However, it is possible for God lead you to marry one of your converts so it means you are seeking souls to be saved not just one person only because you want to marry them.

❓Is it wrong to aim to marry a rich UK citizen that is a Christian so I can get papers on time and also have children that are citizens?

📖A. If you are genuinely a Christian life is far more than just being a citizen of any nation and more than having children that are citizens of a particular citizen on earth. Please refer to answer to a similar question above. You are not to aim to marry a rich man but a Christian man who loves God, fears God and loves you.

❓How can i handle sexual advances at work without telling my spouse to prevent exaggeration? Respond firmly but gracefully

📖“Let your ‘Yes’ be yes and your ‘no,’ no.” – Matthew 5:37
When someone crosses a boundary, your first duty is to clearly and firmly reject the advance:

• Speak respectfully but directly:
“i’m not comfortable with that. Please don’t speak to me that way.” “i’m a married woman, and i take that seriously.”
• Don’t try to “soften” the no to avoid awkwardness. Let them feel the boundary.
• Do not entertain flattery, private texts, or “jokes” with sexual overtones.
• Document and set boundaries
• Avoid isolation with the person. Try not to be alone with them.
• Keep records of texts, emails, or behaviors if it escalates.
This is both protection for you and wisdom should you need to involve hr or leadership.
“the prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.” – proverbs 27:12
Please also tell your spouse as you are to be transparent and open but pray ahead of this particularly because you know there’s potential of them wanting exagerate this.

❓I need help for my relationship

📖Kindly let’s know what you need help with in your relationship and we trust God that we will be able to proffer answers by the help of the Holy Spirit.

❓As a man in a relationship, is it your responsibility to be taking responsibility of your girlfriend’s bill?

📖Until you are married each person is to take responsibility for their own bills. However, you could provide financial support for yourselves as friends not as an obligation and whatever support you provide must be done in love.

❓Why is that once you tell a woman that you like her… she expects her responsibilities and bills to be taken care of by the man otherwise they won’t regard or believe you love them?

Please ladies don’t have unnecessary expectations of any man that is not your husband yet to take responsibilities for your bills even if you are in need please trust God and he will meet your needs as He is your father and the only one who have the full responsibility to look after you as a single lady and even when you are married God only retains that responsibility but shares it with your husband when you become married.

If you are Christians trust God as your father to meet your needs as the fact that a man who is not your husband can meet and pays your bill does not necessarily mean that they love.

❓What do you do when your husband complains and discuss your relationship issues to his friends and not talk to you about the issue and you are not comfortable with that because he might get the wrong counsel

📖Your marriage issues is not to discussed with your friends except you have both agreed to do so with friends that you both trust. Apparently this woman doesn’t trust that the husband’s friend will give the right counsel and it is wrong for this husband to be talking to friends about the issues and they are not even talking to their wife about the issues.

Please husband and wife what you need is a godlly mentor or counsellor who you can evidently see the fruit of the spirit in their own lives and marriage so you don’t expose yourselves to counsel that can cause bigger issues in your marriage and result into a bitter or sour experience in marriage. Please seek godly counsel from your pastors if you are Christians.

❓It has often been the case that majority of the marriages had ended or they spouses involved in infidelity because they were not compatible sexually no matter how they tried to adopt in their marriage, so my question is, As a Christian, is it not wise to make sure you both are compatible sexually and otherwise before marriage?

📖Doing what is contract to God’s ways can never be wisdom or achieve better results no matter how well it is packaged. Although research shows that infidelity is one of the factors for divorce or broken marriage; this is not attributed to not being compatible sexually. How do you test if you are sexually compatible and for how long do you have to test for to be convinced that you are sexually compatible; this is a complete agenda from hell to cause people to sin against God and against themselves by defiling themselves. What if you do the compatibility test for six months and then decide that you don’t think you are sexually compatible and decide to end the relationship and go for another person and test again and move on; you will be breaking many people’s lives and fulfilling the purpose of satan rather than fulfilling the purpose of God.

PTherefore, if you are a child of God you don’t take the issue of sin against God lightly and any proposal that brings you into sin should be rejected with great passion and quickly so you don’t entangle your life in sin and become an enemy of God by living in perpetual sin.

If there are issues and a couple are not enjoying sexual intimacy in their marriage – it is more likely that they are not doing things right rather than not been compatible and what they need is to seek help from a godly mentor or their pastor who will be able to help them.

e.g of how I was always excited talking about love making and my friend said ‘what is it, is it not just 3mins affair and it’s all finished and I said nooo; it’s far more than that – sometimes 30mins, 45mins or even an hour depending on how much time and how deeper we want to go in exploring and she shouted Haaaaaaa Bisi what do you people do? And then from there we discovered that they needed help and pastor and her husband then had to have heart to heart talk about the issues before things changed for them. They were both new to making love as they were both virgins which is a plus not a minus and all that they needed was just education on how to enjoy love making for both the woman and the man.

❓We share bills 50/50 and my husband is not ready to help in the house chores, any time I talk about it he classify it as me nagging. What should I do as I am tired of the whole stress and I have a baby. not wise to make sure you both are compatible sexually and otherwise before marriage?

📖This is probably the reality of many woman who are married to men who pick and choose between the traditional kind of marriage and the contemporary marriage; neither of them deliver maximum blessings of marriage.

Kingdom marriage promotes kindness, preferring the other person and being supportive of one another as a couple. If as a man you are happy to share bills 50/50 which means your wife is working secularly as you to earn money then you are not willing to share house chores; I purposely did not want to use help or support; then you are not being kind towards your wife; you are not preferring her to yourself because she will be as tired as you are after work and will still have to attend to the baby while you are probably sitting with your legs crossed watching tv until food is ready. Please man reshape your mind by the word of God and change to be more committed to supporting your wife and be more into house chores so you can both share the weight and your wife does not become overwhelmed with working secularly, working at home without and help and looking after the baby and even if there is no baby involved.

I think we need to do more as parents by teaching our sons to be domestic; to do house chores as we raise them so that they don’t get married and expect their wives to do all house chores while they are still expected to work full time and make contributions financially. It is a thing to be driven by every parent who have sons so it’s not only girl child that we teach how to do house chores but we make it a point of duty to also train our sons as well in this regard.

❓Nowadays a man without money does not get love as he’s seen as a ghost

📖A genuine Christian man who loves God; lives in the fear of God and lives to please God will not be bothered or should be grateful to God that he is seen as ghost by such ladies as he doesn’t need one of such in his life. So, I believe this is from a man who is not really sure of who he is in Christ and looking in the wrong places or to the wrong people for love

❓ As a Christian is it okay to go for fertility tests and mental assessments before marriage

📖A. Update: If one of you have issues with fertility this should be disclosed to the other person if you are serious about getting married to yourselves; there should not be secrets in marriage if you are doing it God’s way which is the kingdom marriage and as such there shouldn’t be any need for fertility test as you are not to base your conviction to marry someone on whether fertility test says they can have children or not but rather you are to go into marriage in faith trusting God that He will bless your marriage with children. There are people that fertility tests shows they are fertile and yet they may have wait for many years before they can have children so what do you then do. God is the only one who gives children and he will bless you with children when you walk in faith in Him IJN.

For mental health assessment before marriage – I wonder why you need this; if anyone has mental health needs that needs to be addressed before they get married and should also continue to be managed appropriately even in marriage.

❓What is the Godly explanation of submission?

📖What Is Submission in God’s Eyes?

1. Submission Is First to God
• True submission begins with yielding our will to God’s will.
• James 4:7 – “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”
• It means acknowledging God’s authority over every area of our lives—thoughts, actions, desires, and decisions.

2. Submission Is a Posture of Humility
• Submission is not weakness, but strength under control.
• Philippians 2:5–8 – Jesus, though equal with God, humbled Himself and became obedient to death on a cross.
• To submit is to willingly humble ourselves, just as Christ did.

3. Submission Is an Act of Love and Obedience
• It flows from love, not compulsion.
• John 14:15 – “If you love me, keep my commands.”
• When we love God, submission becomes joyful obedience rather than a burden.

4. Submission in Relationships
• Godly submission also applies to human relationships—spouses, church leadership, civil authority, etc.—but always within the framework of God’s Word.
• Ephesians 5:21 – “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
• It’s about mutual respect, order, and reflecting Christ’s humility.

5. Submission Brings Blessing and Authority
• Those who submit to God’s authority walk in His protection and power.
• 1 Peter 5:6 – “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.”

✨ Godly Explanation (Summary):
Submission is willingly yielding ourselves to God and His will, walking in humility, obedience, and love. It is not slavery or oppression, but a voluntary alignment with God’s authority that leads to peace, blessing, and spiritual strength.

❓Does submission not give you a say as a woman in your relationship or courtship?

📖Submission does not mean that a woman should not have a say or share her views and opinion on the matter at hand but what it means is that you are voluntarily, in love and humility submitting to your husband’s view when your views are at variance. However, the man should understand that his wife’s views are equally important in decision making and the he does not have it all. Sometimes the woman’s views can be more useful to the family so as a man you are to take on board such views for the benefit of the whole family.

Submission does not mean that a wife can’t think for herself; women are not called to follow blindly the thoughts of their husbands and never process the same decisions. God gave women intellectual capacities and gifts; we all have abilities to use our thoughts and ideas for God’s glory so a woman is not to be silenced by her husband. Wise husbands seek their wive's input.

❓Which one is use repair words. Can’t I reset their heads sometimes with slippers?

📖The tone of this question show that this is coming from a parent that needs to do more in developing their parenting skills so they can effectively parent their children. Using slippers or any other item to hit your children which you referred to as resetting their heads is called physical abuse and if you leave marks on your children, you might find yourself in jail where your own head will be reset by the government.

Jokes apart please do not use physical chastisement to correct your children as there are one thousand and one other ways of correcting children which have proven to be effective. Please speak to sister to register you on the parenting course.

❓When I am angry the only language I know is silence please how do I manage this cos it’s destroying my relationship

📖Thank you for opening up about this as it takes courage to admit how anger is affecting your relationships. Silence can sometimes protect us from saying hurtful words in the heat of anger, but if it becomes the only response, it can lead to distance, misunderstanding, and unresolved conflict. Let’s look at some practical and godly ways to manage this:

1. Understand the Root of Your Silence

• Ask yourself: Am I silent because I fear saying the wrong thing, or because I want to punish the other person?
• Silence used as “self-control” can be healthy, but silence used as “withdrawal” can damage intimacy.

2. Practice Healthy Pausing
• Instead of shutting down completely, let your loved one know what’s happening.
• You can say: “I’m upset right now, and I don’t want to say something I’ll regret. Please give me some time, and we’ll talk about it later.”
• This way, your silence is not rejection—it’s a pause for peace.

3. Develop Calm Communication
• Once you’ve cooled down, express your feelings honestly but gently.
• Use “I statements” (e.g., “I feel hurt when...” instead of “You always...”). This avoids blame and keeps the conversation constructive.

4. Invite God Into Your Emotions
• James 1:19–20 — “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”
• Pray in the moment: “Lord, help me to be slow to anger and quick to love.”
• Scripture, prayer, and the Holy Spirit can calm your spirit before you respond.

5. Practice With Small Steps
• Start by sharing small emotions verbally instead of going silent. For example: “I’m disappointed right now, can we talk later?”
• This is hard for me but we talk about it later.
• Over time, this builds a habit of communication instead of retreat.

Silence in anger doesn’t have to destroy your relationship—if you learn to pause without punishing and communicate with grace. Submission to God in those heated moments will transform your response into one that brings healing, not hurt.

❓What if one partner refuses to accept transparency in finance. Should the other partner withdraw?

📖Transparency is very key to couples becoming and growing in oneness or intimacy which is the design of God for marriage and there are many dangers to this if transparency is lacking in a marriage one of which separation. If one of the partners is refusing to accept transparency then it is a big issue not only in their financial intimacy but also other areas as transparency builds trust and trust is one of the pillars of a good and strong marriage. So this partner needs help to explore why they are refusing to be transparent and what can be done to help them to embrace transparency. Please seek counselling from a trusted godly mentor or the pastorate for this.

❓You responded to a question about a husband asking for a little privacy. Please, what is privacy in this question?

📖To be honest except we ask the person that asked the question we wouldn’t know what they are referring to as privacy but in general privacy is not to be practiced in kingdom marriage – they were both and they were not ashamed is kingdom code for this. Transparency and honest is what the kingdom marriage promotes for a good and sweet marriage

❓What should I do when my spouse never appreciates me, he always points the slightest mistake I make out but will never say anything right I do. I make conscious effort to please him but he doesn’t see it.

📖This can be very painful; I can feel the weight in your words. Living with constant criticism and lack of appreciation can deeply hurt your heart and drain your joy. First, let me affirm this truth: your worth is not determined by your spouse’s words, but by God’s love and what He says about you.
Here are some godly and practical steps you can take:

1. Guard Your Identity in Christ
• Ephesians 1:6 says you are “accepted in the Beloved.”
• Even when your spouse fails to affirm you, God sees your efforts, your love, and your sacrifice. Don’t let his silence erase your sense of worth.

2. Communicate Honestly, but Gently
• Choose a calm time, not in the heat of conflict, to express how you feel.
• Use “I statements” (e.g., “I feel unappreciated when my efforts are not noticed”).
• Sometimes, people don’t realize how their words—or lack of them—affect others.

3. Set Healthy Emotional Boundaries
• Making endless efforts to please someone who never affirms you can lead to burnout.
• Shift your focus: do good because it honors God (Colossians 3:23), not because you expect thanks from your spouse. That way, your peace won’t depend on his reactions.

4. Affirm Yourself with God’s Word
• Replace the criticism you hear with God’s truth.
o Psalm 139:14 – You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
o Zephaniah 3:17 – God rejoices over you with singing.
o Hebrews 6:10 – “God is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him.”

5. Pray for His Heart
• Sometimes constant criticism flows from inner wounds, pride, or a critical spirit.
• Pray for God to soften his heart, open his eyes, and give him a spirit of gratitude.
• Ezekiel 36:26 – God can replace a heart of stone with a heart of flesh.

6. Seek Wise Counsel if Needed
• If the pattern continues and begins to crush your spirit, consider seeking help from a pastor, counselor, or trusted spiritual mentor.
• Marriage requires mutual building up, not constant tearing down.

Closing Encouragement: Your efforts are not wasted, even if they go unseen by your spouse. God sees every act of love and service, and in His time, He can turn your spouse’s heart. In the meantime, keep your joy rooted in God’s approval, not man’s.

❓Met this man recently. Been seeing each for a couple of weeks, he seems nice, but doesn't communicate sufficiently, while I love to communicate, we've both got a busy schedule, but I make out time to communicate, sometimes he declines my calls, and tells me I'm too emotional. What do I do I do in this situation?

📖We are wondering why you have expectations of the level of communication you are expecting from this person when there is no affirmed commitment to a relationship, what you need to do is to keep your communication brief and not have unnecessary expectation from someone who is not committed to you.

❓Is marriage essential to fulfilling God’s purpose for my life?

📖NO; you can fulfil God’s purpose for your life without being married – e.g Paul, Jesus, Elijah, Elisha

❓As a Christian woman, I’ve always dreamed of becoming a mother of two. However, I don’t feel personally called to marriage or to the responsibilities that come with being a wife, especially in terms of submission to a man. My heart is more drawn to motherhood than to partnership. Is it biblically acceptable for me to pursue motherhood through options like or adoption?

📖There is nothing wrong with adoption but this should be done for the right reasons and not just because you don’t want take on the responsibility of being a wife or to submit to a man. Please seek counsel to address the real issues as this can help you to change your views and be more open to marriage as children should ideally be raised by both parents if possible.

❓What is the difference between lust, infatuation and love?

📖1. Lust
• Definition: A strong, selfish craving for someone’s body or what they can give, without genuine care for their soul.
• Biblical View:
• 1 John 2:16 – “For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.”
• Matthew 5:28 – “Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
• Key Traits:
• Self-centered, focused on physical satisfaction.
• Short-term, often fades quickly.
• Can lead to sin, regret, and brokenness.

2. Infatuation
• Definition: An intense but short-lived admiration or attraction, often based on surface qualities (appearance, charm, or emotions).
• Biblical Insight: Though the Bible doesn’t use the word “infatuation,” it warns against being led purely by feelings or appearances.
• Proverbs 31:30 – “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
• Key Traits:
• Emotion-driven, often irrational.
• Exciting at first, but can fade as reality sets in.
• Doesn’t always consider long-term commitment or the person’s true character.

3. Love
• Definition: A deep, selfless, covenantal commitment to seek the good of another, modeled after God’s love.
• Biblical View:
• 1 Corinthians 13:4–7 – “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast… It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
• John 15:13 – “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
• Key Traits:
• God-centered, selfless, and sacrificial.
• Enduring—built on commitment, not just feelings.
• Seeks the other person’s spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being.

Summary in Simple Terms:
• Lust says: “I want you for me.” (selfish, physical)
• Infatuation says: “I like how you make me feel.” (emotional, temporary)
• Love says: “I want the best for you, even at a cost to me.” (selfless, lasting)

❓Can Pity be a sign of love?

📖Yes, but only in part. Pity may be a doorway to love because it shows your heart is touched by someone’s suffering.
• But pity alone is not love. True love goes beyond feeling sorry—it chooses to stand with, support, and sacrifice for the other person.
In Simple Terms:
• Pity feels.
• Love acts.
• When pity leads to action, it becomes an expression of love.

❓As much as I want to join the 6HOURLY PRAYER CHAIN more I find myself forgetting to connect at the right time or I forget altogether, please help.

📖1 set alarm for every 6hours; also get an accountability partner to help you to be on when you are meant to.
Further tips to help us to be effective in prayer
Some advice for those who have not been joining either that you are just not thinking it’s the will of God for you to pray with your church or you are praying with another church but not your church

- God Jehovah, our God, your God is One God
- He is the God of principles
- He is the only God that answers prayers
- He answers by his principles and mercy
- He has placed you in a local church where you are to be fully committed for his own reasons – that is your place of allocation, that is your tribe
- You cannot be tribeless or multi-tribe – that even the angels of God cannot tell for sure which tribe you belong to, you are in this church today, tomorrow in the other, in different churches in the 4 weeks in a month – you actually belong to none – you are like a rolling stone, and rolling stones don’t gather dust only the stone that sits in a place gathers dust, dew of heaven fall on such stones that are in one place at a time, such people are more stable, steady, strengthened to achieve far more in life and destiny. - A rolling stone is not only a danger to itself but to others as they roll around.

You're Not Alone. We're Here to Help.

Submit an Anonymous Question